Britney Siren's Blog

So my plans to do a spiffy star wars cosplay last week were quelled. I'm not sure if that's the best or worst thing (it's been raining in LA for the past few days in random spurts) Plus admitedly I'm not a huge star wars fan as a ton of people seem to be so there's that. Also I haven't really done any non-black characters (aside from a few animal type characters or rave versions of things that really only work for rave settings) I always worry that there's a possibility of being a weird semi-racist meme saluting the black version of "X" character instead of just being a fan of that character enough to want to dress up as them. I know eventually I'll have to branch out but I still feel a bit anxious over this fact. I know many people dress as characters that they don't nessesarily look like/are impossible for any human to pull off... but I've seen so much crap that it does make me a bit cautious. I've dressed up at a few cons last year so my sensitivity to that has decreased a ton so perhaps there's hope for this not being such an issue in the future too.



Other than that I got to get all lolita'd up for the weekend and dance poorly in darkness with fellow weirdo's which is a welcome change from some of the stressers around here as of late. I went on a few rants about money issues last week... It is a bit tough with random income. Speaking of which I did have an interview this past week which left me a bit crumpled for the rest of that day/evening. I'm not sure if people believe me when I say that I am def. more introvert than not. That going outside is quite difficult. Large crowds can be daugnting unless I mentally prepare and even then it's still a bit of a struggle in unfamiliar settings etc...



Dancing I can handle anywhere... modeling peace of cake... talking to a group of people I don't know who might be weird about my various forms of income = stressful!



It seems like the only time nude work or any sect of the adult industry isn't looked at with a sour face is when that person is making tons of money which I'm not. 



Trying to go back to school and repay an old loan has also been a fun time. They don't seem to be as organized as I would like but I guess I have to deal with the mess that I"ve made. When I got the loan I didn't have any real idea of how serious this was or how loans worked/anything. Oh the joys of growing up with non parents



Still today is a new day... things could turn around and perhaps I just need to be a bit more patient and strict with spending from now on (since this month seems like the last time I'll be allowed to make a partial payment of rent so I have to stay on it. 



I hope that everyone is having a good holiday season. Not much going on here for that. First year where I'm pretty sure I can't buy anyone a thing b/c I'm just too broke which sucks since last year and the year before I was doing so well around this time.



I guess we all can fall... and rise and fall again... maybe it's how we deal with the bruises that determines where we go...




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